Family a Gift of God - Be Caring ,Happy and Successful

 “Keep close to Nature’s heart and break clear away, occasionally, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.” – John Muir

The whole universe comprising of our planet (Earth) and many more galaxies, stars, asteroids, and planets with vast variety of living beings are God’s wonderful creation. We all are born on this earth, in a particular family, on a particular date and time, as per God’s will. This has a link to our past deeds and contribution to society.  We are not born randomly, placed here and there and on any date and time. God decides who will be born in a particular family and who will join the family by virtue of marriage or through other relationships. Therefore, you need not crib why you have such a spouse or other member in your family who is not as beautiful or intelligent as you wish or who does not toe the line. Never compare your family with other’s family and get tensed up or depressed. You have got what you deserved, needed and you worked for. Rest will follow at the right time. It is a human weakness that we want to possess everything now and showdown other family and boast of our possessions. You need not compare children either since each has been created by God giving unique identity and destiny. Infect, there is nothing mine and yours as we all belong to God and He sends us in human form with mind and soul, duly embedded for certain role. Our life span and destiny are well written on our forehead (invisible to the normal naked eye) and also engraved on both hands. God loves His creation and likes us to flourish and live in harmony. God likes us to live and let live others happily and do good acts during our life cycle.

“Our family is a circle of strength and love, our family with every birth and every union the circle grows, our family is a circle of strength where every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger.” – Harriet Morgan

Raising a family.  God has created man and woman, as a ‘unity of the two’ to love and support each other during all times of joy and difficulties.  As parents, they must live in harmony and have a responsibility to raise children and instill good habits and manners in them. These children are a big gift from God to the parents. They arrive in a family on date and time decided by God.  The country, place, religion/faith, the status of the family for the child is decided based on his/her past deeds/acts and on this, there is no negotiation with the incoming child(soul) .  Likewise, there is no negotiation   with the parents for their choice of the child . Children of today will grow and become adult and then parents of the future and this cycle carries on. Therefore it is natural for a family to have children and grow.  Raising children is the most sublime duty and joy for any couple.
Family Support System. A family is an institution which has some rules, regulations, customs, traditions, responsibilities, and ethos. It is your responsibility to care for this institution (your family) as they will standby you during any crisis. When you fall sick and get admitted to a hospital, your seniors and employer may send you “Get Well” card with a bouquet of flowers. But if you stay in the hospital is a bit longer, they will look for your substitute, as the company wants healthy and productive employees. It is your family and nears and dears, who will come to your rescue, arrange the best affordable treatment and share your pains. Likewise, if you had been caring and sharing your rise and fall with family members, they will standby you during your job crisis. Your family members are the best well-wishers. Irrespective of your attitude toward them, they feel proud of your position/status and achievements. They would always support you during an emergency/crisis.

“I learned about the strength you can get from close family life.

I learned to keep going, even in bad times.

 I learned not to despair, even when my world was falling apart.

 I learned that there are no free lunches.

And I learned the value of hard work.” – Lee Iacocca

Family Management. In your exuberance for the job, you should not ignore your spouse, children, parents, and in-laws, as they need you and miss you when you are away. On someday, you may be required to stay late at your workplace for meetings or conference, while there could be social or domestic function at home. Both organization and family are important and have their own time and space. To be successful in the workplace, you need peace at home; else your office productivity will drop. Hence do have fun and lighter moments with your family. It is your responsibility to keep a judicious balance between workplace and home. These are basic principles of human/personal management which if followed sincerely, will improve the control of your body and mind.  Some basic points are:

·         Work and Celebrate.  As parents, your motto at the workplace should be “Work is Worship.”, put in your very best every day on every job.  Enjoy working with full vigor and celebrate your achievements both at the workplace and home, even if these are small. Your team at the workplace will be inspired; seniors will notice your enthusiasm and appreciate your commitment. Likewise, at home your family will be equally proud of you and happy. You may go out with family to a restaurant, movie theatre or picnic/site seeing. Have a break and celebrate to recharge your batteries and also make your family happy.

·         Don’t mix office work with family life. It is one of the weaknesses of our human beings, sometimes to place too much emphasis on one aspect of life, while allowing another aspect to suffer. The commitment and ownership of a job may make it   necessary to work overtime but it should not become an obsession where a hardworking person becomes a “workaholic.”  It may be praiseworthy for a workaholic at the workplace to outshine among peers, but there is always a danger that it can become an obsession which may lead to the breakdown of the family. You must strike a judicious balance between work and a happy family life.  Therefore, it is necessary to manage time for work and for the family. Avoid bringing office work at home and particularly not on weekends.  Holidays and weekends should be at the disposal of the family to move out and enjoy. Keeping your week-end free, helps you to meet social obligations,  meet household needs, health care  requirement and religious functions as desired by the family.

·         Keep family members informed.  You should keep your family members informed about your job, achievements and future plan. They will appreciate how important/ difficult situation you are handling at your workplace and they will support you when things do not go as planned. They will feel excited about your progress and wish you a lot more success. In case of any job disruption or displacement, they will be concerned and support you to sail through during stormy weather. However, you must be discrete and need not tell everything which happens in your workplace. Certain things are best kept to yourself and sorted out unless your need outside help,

·          Support a Spouse’s Carrier. A working spouse will impact your career choice and performance.  Bottom line is to appreciate and be proud of each other for whatever job you are in. One spouse may encourage the other partner to pursue a career that allows for travel, so they can both see many places in and around their country. However, another spouse may want to stay home with young children, encouraging his/her working spouse to aim for higher roles, in a particular profession and ensure good pay package.  Be accommodating and supporting each other and do not compare your family with another family as they will have some other considerations.

·          Quality education and growth of children. Children play a significant role in your selection and pursuance of your career. The professional path which you took as a childless parent may change once you have children. You may opt for employment with flexible or telecommuting options, or a position that allows you part-time working.  As a parent, it is your major duty to support your children to get the best education and go for a career of their passion and capability.  However, do remember the good old saying “Do not educate your children to become rich but educate them to care for human values and be happy”. As they grow they will know the value of things and not their price.

·          Caring and supporting elders. If you are living as a joint family (More common in Asian families) and your parents or parents-in-law or other close relative are living with you, you need to provide medical care and meet their other needs. Therefore, you may choose a job that offers elder-care reimbursement,  allow work-from-home or that have dependent adult day-care as a benefit of employment.

·          Caring and building Trust. Caring for someone you like is easy but to make or expect someone to care for you is difficult. Therefore do not lose the one who cares for you. You are responsible to take care of your family members.

·         Caring dependent Parents. All parents feel very happy when their children are having a good job and leading a quality life. They just need your happiness and love. They will be concerned if things are not going in your favour. Therefore keep parents in the picture as what is happening around. Take good care of them and when needed they will always support you.

·         Caring and sharing with Spouse. Your spouse is a very important part of your life, job, and future. In India, men fondly call their wives “Better Half.” If you are living as a joint family, do maintain a fine line on what you tell your parents and what you tell to your spouse. At times, being too open and blunt can lead to rift or misunderstanding, and that can create tension in the family. Do not question each other’s earning and bank balance, instead, trust each other, support each other and love each other.   It will have a positive impact on children and elders will enjoy a healthy and happy environment.

·         Love your Children. Your children are your prize possession and their wellbeing, proper grooming, providing quality education and support their future career is the prime responsibility of every parent. They need your time to play and chat with you, more than your money, toys or clothes. You must spare some time to cheer them up, appreciate their small achievements and give them rewards as gifts. You should support their passion for choosing and leading their career. All children want love and outings with parents and you must meet their requirement.

“Don’t make love to a body, make love to a person. Don’t talk to your children. Take their faces in your hands and talk to them.” – Leo Buscaglia.to

·         Close Relatives. Every one praises success story of their relatives and gets closer to the winner but only a few relatives may standby when your chips are down. Therefore maintain good relations with close relatives who always care for you.

·         Holiday with family. Periodically take your time off and go out with family and enjoy your holiday. You should have a clean break away from your local surroundings and be relaxed to give maximum attention to your loved ones. While on holiday with family, do not carry your laptop and office files. This is the time to be away from the daily routine to enjoy and give pleasure to the family members. You may plan to go to some beach, hill station or any resort/retreat. You may plan hiking, trekking, skiing, boating or sailing but must get out of the daily rut.

·         Accept family members as they are. Accept your spouse, parents, and children as they are, since they have been gifted to you by God. They are your well-wishers who want you to rise. Remember the good old saying- “If you cannot change the world, change yourself.”

·    Thanking family members. When a family member gives you support, you must acknowledge and thank him/her profusely. When you are standing in a queue on a bank counter, you borrow a pen from someone to write a cheque and as you finish, you return the pen automatically saying “Thank You.” Try this at home on your spouse, parents, brother/sister or in-laws, and children. We often take them for granted and forget basic courtesy of thanking them. Thanking costs you nothing but it pleases the other person.

·         Admit your mistake. If you are wrong in your action, admit your mistake unconditionally. As a parent or spouse or children, one could be wrong/ harsh when he/she actually should not be so. At times, it happens in a hurry or just as an argument. Saying sorry is not retreat or defeat or weakness but wisdom and maturity to patch up.

·         Appreciate. Remember to appreciate the achievement of family members and praise it openly, even if it is a small achievement. We all expect someone to admire us, cheer us up and that strengthen our family bonding.

·         Lower your expectations. Do not make family relationship conditional and expect more than you can give to others. It shows magnanimity if you give to others without reason and care for them without expectation. In this way, your relationship will flourish at home and in your social circles. In most families, parents, spouse, and children, all want more and more as their right and lesser and lesser their responsibility.

·         Be Faithfull. You should be faithful to your spouse and children.  It relates to personal character and self-discipline. A faithful person has a lot of respect and dependability which leads to happiness and success in relationships.

·         Forgive Others. Be accommodating and do not worry about minor issues. To be happy and make others happy, forget and forgive is the best policy. Those who do not forgive others for their mistakes remain tensed up with bad feelings and anger. Forgiveness is being magnanimous and kind and it reinforces trust within the family.

·         Don’t slam the door. When in anger try to calm down by counting 1to 10 and must not slam the door shut to express your anger.  It is bad manners and you not only hurt the other near and dear but may damage the door as well.

·         Greetings. It is good manners to greet each other with a smile on the face. It will definitely improve your home atmosphere. Try wishing good morning and say “bye-bye” to family members, give a hug to young ones and elders, while leaving for the workplace. Your mood will change and you will drive your car to your workplace better and even behave well with the team and others.  Similarly, when you return from your job, those at home must open the door and greet you with a smile and make you comfortable.  Say Hi to all and hug to small ones and do not just walk in your bedroom and close the door.

·         Humour. A few touches of humor act like an energy pill, which gives a quick boost when anyone is depressed/or tired.

Pay Gratitude We are God’s creation on this earth and God likes us to flourish. Therefore, we need to have a family and raise children. Holy scriptures of all religions show that getting married and having children is natural phenomena for the survival of the human race on this earth. We must express our sincere gratitude toward God who has blessed us with many worldly gifts besides giving us a wonderful family.

The society also expects us to be a good and faithful husband and wife and also be good parents to support and guide our chidden towards the right path of respecting human values. Today, you are a brother or a sister studying and looking for a suitable career and later you look for a suitable match to get married and have children. Be always grateful to your parents as they continue to do so much for you  Be a giver and lower down expectation You must see good, hear good, speak good, think good and do good. Don’t get into the rat race of working overtime for becoming overnight rich as that will not bring real happiness but create tension both in family and at the workplace.  Happiness is a state of mind and it must not be at the cost of others. Stay happy and make others happy is the “mantra:” You should read/browse related books/e-books /websites.

For more articles, visit my blog   http://sarbjit-share-knowledge.blogspot.com
For more information you may visit  www.amazon.com   and refer to my books/e-books :
1)      A2Z – 26  steps for assured success2)      Career challenges during global uncertainty
Visit the website :    www.kmowledgeshareindia.com

Dr. Sarbjit Singh, Former Exec Director, Apeejay College of Engineering & Hony Advisor,  Apeejay  Stya University, Gurgaon, Haryana, 122103, India