ABCD of Relationships for Career Success

“When you make a commitment to a relationship, you invest your attention and energy in it more profoundly because you now experience ownership of that relationship”--. Barbara De Angelis

It is well established that the building good relations takes a long time and lot of effort while spoiling relationship takes few minutes or a few bad words. Build bridges of trust and hope but and do not blow those away as you may have to cross these many times in future. The relationship within your team, with peers, seniors, friends and family members will have an impact on your performance at the workplace, dealing with customers, vendors and business alliances. You need to be more social and mixing well for extending the hand of friendship and mutual support. A strong relationship is built on mutual trust, positive attitude and commitment. Good relationships are like trees, and demand attention in the beginning but once they blossom, trees provide you shade, fragrance and fruit, while human relations will provide you support, encouragement during difficult situations of your career. You need to develop and maintain cordial relations at various levels of your seniors, customers, vendors/suppliers, government authorities /regulator and alliance partners and family members.

There may be a number of obstacles or misunderstandings for which you must be flexible and determined to keep moving forward. Your behaviour, manners and communication skills will be the key to establishing and maintaining good relationships. Your character also plays an important role in how you treat your colleagues/team members.

You are to be particularly careful while dealing with the opposite gender since some women are very sensitive to certain words and body language. You need a good command of language, both verbal and written. Your communication skills and maturity should help you to win and retain good friends. It is important to forge strong relationships both in business and in the family circle since the former helps to build trust for a win-win deal and expansion of the business and while latter will give you happiness and support.

Scope.  The relationship is a vast subject related with the workplace, education institutions, political circle, Healthcare Institutes, family members and relatives, personal life/private life and the spiritual relation with the God. The scope of this article is limited to the relationship as applicable to the career of a person in any organisation. Some common aspects of establishing and maintaining good relations are:-

• Be Social. You must mix well at the workplace, social gathering or at home. Keep your business card handy and walk across to present gracefully and speaking out your name, even when it is printed on the card or known earlier. Shake hand firmly with gents and softly with ladies. If someone extends a hand, immediately extend your hand of friendship and give out your name. Avoid asking about job/status initially.
• Positive Attitude. Attitude is a personality trait and most important since it affects your behaviour, response and decision making. Your positive/negative attitude impacts your performance both at the workplace or dealing with family members or friends.  Whether you are a school teacher, professor in college/ university, site-engineer, designer, production engineer,  law practitioner, media reporter,  marketing representative, sales-manager or a doctor in a hospital or any such employee, you have to deal with human beings, who are very demanding and in a hurry. A positive attitude will help you to be flexible, understanding and appreciative of others to win people.

·  Accept your boss. Your boss is the key to your current job and to your future success in the organization. Never ever make your boss feel that they made mistake in hiring you. Instead, you must lay the groundwork for a productive working relationship with your boss. Any misunderstanding or confrontation can lead to tension which can have a negative impact on your job satisfaction and career path. There could be the difference in expectations and that must be resolved by face to face talking with your boss. Carrying a grudge against each other would result in a fractured relationship which will be noticed by the team and other colleagues around you. Remember when it comes to retention, every boss believes in discipline, adherence to management procedures, and company’s work ethos. Your boss may be a hard taskmaster but that is in the interest of the company. Obviously, he/she will not look for cheap popularity by ignoring poor performance or misbehaviour. You do not bring your previous boss with you when you join any new organization. Your new boss is already well established and is rightfully controlling, directing and enabling his team. As you are a new entrant, you need to mould yourself into the ethos and discipline of the organization and support your boss to get his/her support. 

•  Accept others as they are. Accept everyone in your organization for more mutual appreciation and support.  If you avoid friction with others, you will get more time to focus your mind and energy on the job/task at hand and enhance productivity, leading toward your success.  Likewise, accept your parents, relatives and seniors as they are, since they are your well-wishers who want you to rise.  Remember the good old saying-      “If you cannot change the world, change yourself”.
• Acknowledge others contribution. When someone gives you support you must acknowledge and thank him/her profusely. When you are standing in a queue on a bank counter, you borrow a pen from someone to write a cheque and as you finish, you return the pen automatically saying “Thank You”. Try this on your team members and at home on your spouse, parents, brother/sister or in-laws and children. We often take them for granted and forget basic courtesy of thanking them. Thanking costs you nothing but it pleases the other person. Your team members are human beings, looking for gratitude. Give a smile and look at the face of the other person while saying thank you.
•   Admit your mistake. If you are wrong in your action, admit your mistake unconditionally, whether you are in the workplace, social gathering, club, picnic, classroom or home. As a senior or junior, as a parent or spouse or children, one could be wrong/ harsh when he/she actually should not be so. At times, it happens in a hurry or just as an argument. Saying sorry is not retreat or defeat or weakness but wisdom and maturity to patch up. People will be more comfortable working around you and have better trust leading to a good work environment for your success. Try it and see the effect in just 15 days.  
•  Appreciate others.  Remember to appreciate others achievement immediately and openly. We all expect someone to admire us, cheer us up and enable us to perform well. Public appreciation motivates the team and establishes a good bonding, mutual trust and respect. A team leader/manager should not tick off people beyond a point as it would hurt the other person and he/she will become immune to it. It is a good gesture to appreciate /admire even for a small achievement by your team member.  Do remember the old saying – “ Criticize in private and praise in public”.
•  Lower your expectations.  Do not make relationship conditional and expect more than you can give to others. It shows magnanimity if you give to others without reason and care for them and without expectation. In this way, your relationship will flourish at the workplace, at home and in your social circles.
•  Good Behavior. Your behaviour/conduct at the workplace or anywhere in public places should be impeccable. Nobody likes misbehaviour in the workplace or at home or in any social gathering. Your friends will resent your misbehaviour and may leave you alone. This may cause you isolation and depression, affecting your productivity. If you misbehave with the opposite gender or seniors at the workplace, you will soon be shown the door. Therefore, inculcate good behaviour and working with a smile to stay popular and relevant to the organization. This is the hallmark of stability in any relationship.
•  Exemplary Character. It is a sterling quality that where ever and whenever you are, you work wholeheartedly, irrespective of whether someone is supervising you or not. You must not do anything which in unethical or immoral. If you demonstrate that you possess exemplary character, others will follow you. Similarly, moral character is very important as is linked is to your behaviour in a team or relationship with friends. Indeed, the character is our most valuable possession as they say – “When a job or wealth is lost something is lost but when a character is lost, everything is lost”.
•  Communication Skills. For both employees and managers/leaders, improving relationships relates to the way you communicate with each other. Employees should be encouraged to address issues with their boss and co-workers in a professional and respectful manner. Do not let the problem linger on. Instead, have a solution by listening to the problem from all angles and by having face to face conversation. Show that you have done what you could to rectify the problem. Your effectiveness in communication within the team, among peers, toward seniors, vendors and customers is an important factor for your ability to stay on and be effective during all stages of ups and downs in your career. It is important to select the right words for what you say but more important is the way you say. You are to also consider who are you speaking to and for what purpose. This skill also comes handy while negotiating with customers and alliance partners. It is also a very useful tool during your performance review meeting or negotiating your perks /emoluments.

·     Solving problem. If an employee has a problem with you or with your management style, he or she may not feel comfortable enough to bring it up with you directly. When he/she finally approaches you about an issue, it's your responsibility to do something about it. It may be, finding a suitable compromise or implementing a change for that employee. By lending your ear to the problem of your team members, half the problem is already solved. Don't forget to ask team members opinion once in a while as they are your eyes and ears on the ground. They have a pretty good idea of what's going on in the team and organization.

·     Listening and get listened. Be patient and listen to others during any discussion and you may pick up more points to make your viewpoint stronger. Listen to a full statement of the speaker and do not interrupt midway. It shows maturity, good manners and increases your popularity among peers, senior management and customers as well as with alliance partners.  As a good listener, you become very popular and people will follow your conduct and you may acquire the art of making others listen to you as well. 

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”- Dalai Lama

• Commitment. Your commitment to the customer, team, seniors and the organization will go a long way to establish you as a dependable asset, both by the employer and the customers. You should say what you mean and mean what you say. You and your team must meet the deadlines given by the customers. Commitment to your family to look after them is equally important as the happiness of family is essential to give your best to your job.
• Be a Giver.  A giver is always popular in any relationship and gets reciprocated support. You should give your time and resources to the advancement/success of team members and they too will reciprocate. Give it generously and there should not be one to one give and take.

“To smile without condition. To talk without intention. To give without reason and to care without expectation is the beauty of any relation”.

•   Be happy and make others happy. Both at the workplace and at home, do not wait for things to get better. Life will always be challenging and complicated due to events beyond your control. Therefore, learn to be in the present, be happy right now where ever you are, otherwise, you may have depression or high Blood Pressure like ailments
•   Own your team. You do not bring your previous tram with you when you join any new organization. Your new team is already well established and delivering the job assigned to it. You must mix up with them, trust them, listen to them and lead by personal example of good moral character, high integrity and great performance. Career success depends on the quality of working relationships. If you do not give your best to your team but expect the best from them you will not become a successful leader. Even if your personal productivity is high, yet you will not be contributing enough to your organization.
• ·Alumni Networking.  Whether your seniors or juniors, they are all very helpful and always step forward to support you. They are of great support, particularly when seeking a job abroad or relocating to another city within your country. Keep in touch with them and seek their support when needed. Alumni have a lifelong relationship and they take great pride in helping anybody from their Ammeter.
•   Greetings. It is good manners to greet each other whenever we meet – seniors, peers and juniors. It brings happiness and creates a good work environment where you too will flourish. Similarly, you should greet your family members and friends as that will also improve your home environment and enhance your productivity in the workplace. Try wishing good morning and say “bye – bye” to family members, give a hug to young ones and elders, while leaving for the workplace. Your mood will change and you will drive your car to your work better and even behave well with team and others.
•   Dress Code.  Be professional and neatly but soberly dressed at the workplace. Avoid gaudy dress, an overdose of cosmetics and flashy jewellery. Similarly, when you go to meet a customer /client or vendor or business partner, you dress should be nice to fit the occasion. It may sound like a minor issue but it can affect your working relationship. In case it is pointed out by your boss or senior, take it positively and try to make changes.

·      Take Initiative. Any new employee can sit around waiting to be told what to do. Why not be proactive enough to figure it out yourself so your supervisor doesn't constantly have to hold your hand. Take initiative to get something done when you see it needs getting done.  If you are expecting an important telephone call, do not keep walking up and down and looking for a telephone to ring, instead just pick up the telephone and make the call.

·         Do Great Work You should be quite busy whenever you're starting a new job, learning many things on-the-job, since you cannot be a know-all. It is good business practice to reach early at the workplace and stay late. Therefore work hard and demonstrate to your team and boss that you have the knowledge, energy and the will-power to excel and increase productivity.

·         Humour.  A few touches of humour act like an energy pill, which gives a quick boost when anyone is depressed /or tired at the workplace or sitting through a long lecture/seminar. Humour should be subtle and not hurt feelings/sentiments of anyone. Be careful and respectful while dealing with the opposite gender and people of other religions.  You got to be witty to pause at the right time and crack a clean joke. This will draw many friends.

·         Integrity.  Even when you have differences with your boss/management, take things in your stride and demonstrate a very high standard of integrity. Never ever speak ill of your organization or your seniors or teammates

•   Customers and vendors. If you maintain good relations with your customers/ vendors, they will speak highly of you to your seniors; you will get repeat orders as a well as future leads for future customers. All this will help in your career growth, stability, and recognition of your contribution to the organization.
•   Maturity.  A matured fruit is tasty while raw fruit is bitter or sour. Likewise, a matured person draws respect from all. Maturity is the ability to think, speak and act within the bounds of dignity. Maturity is part of your good conduct/ behaviour and it should grow as you grow in your career/status.

You have maturity when to stop trying to change others and instead change yourself - Shri Adi Shankara

·         Past teachers/professors.  Lovely times of life will not return back but the lovely relations and missing memories of lovely people will stay in the heart forever. You must maintain healthy relations with your past teachers/professors and class fellows. This association should be long time affair, seeking support and giving them due respect.  

·         Trust your Mentors. You should have at least one mentor from the industry and one from an academic institution, where you have studied last. They will guide you very nicely and will neither mislead you nor let you down anytime. You must maintain contact with them; seeking guidance and respecting them. They will be always proud of you and cheer you up. Pay due respect and gratitude while dealing with them.

“Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read”--. Francis Bacon

·        Job Can Affect Family Relations. In today’s high-pressure world, the influence of job on family relationships has never been as pronounced. It is seen that success or failure in the workplace often spills over to the home, affecting relationships with spouse, parents or children. Therefore work hard and keep seeking for the excellence which is the key to success.

·         Self-Esteem.  It is well recognized that self-esteem is the key indicator of how people perceived their partner’s support. The survey has shown that men and women with low self-esteem felt that their partner’s love was contingent on their professional successes, In contrast, men and women with high self-esteem perceived their partner’s love as unconditional.

·         Married to the job. There are people who are workaholic and often get late to reach home. They even carry work home and keep burning midnight oil and even leave early for their workplace. This causes tremendous strain on their relationship with their spouse and their children. The situation can get worst if both husband and wife is workaholic. Remember we are a human being, we need not only to spend time with family members but some time for friends and socializing say on weekend.  To maintain good relations at home, you must have a judicious balance of time between workplace and home.

The well known saying that "no man or a woman is an island” is ever true. We cannot live in isolation or in a secluded place and need co-existence and competition... We all need other people of various levels at every place and most of the times. Those who build a strong network of supporters develop their positive attitude and reinforcement program. It is difficult to remain positive without daily contact with people.  Your personal friends and family members can support you to stay positive. Being positive provides you double benefits. Firstly, it helps you to attract new friends. Secondly, it provides reinforcement to the existing relationships. Remember to give your best at the workplace; you require peace at home which necessitates maintaining good relationships with all family members.

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 “Career challenges during global uncertainty”

                                                                                                                    Dr Sarbjit Singh, PhD